8 Simple Rules for Standing Near Me at a Show
by David Virr | 00.00.0000

Etiquette is something we think of when it’s time for job interviews, fancy dinners, first dates, and trips to your aunt’s house. The word may conjure up images of salad forks and cloth napkins folded on the table, or maybe just
remembering not to belch like you were at a football game. But few of us ever think about etiquette at a show - although it is a social gathering where none of us wants to look like an idiot. When in close confines with others, there are some obvious dos-and-donts, as well as some things that may slip our mind in the excitement of checking out our favorite band. Some of these are quite obvious, while others are peccadilloes that many of us do without even realizing it. In relative order of importance, here are the 8 rules of rock & roll etiquette.

Rule #1: Thou Shalt Not Bum Rush
We all hate these people, though many of us are probably guilty of the offense that is bum rushing - pushing your way through the crowd to get as close as possible to the stage. In the process, the people being pushed
aside are the kids who lined up at 6pm to get that front-and-center spot, as well as short little girls whose only hope at actually SEEING the show is to be up front. We can all tell who is a bum rusher and who is a person
reclaiming a spot that they temporarily abandoned to use the bathroom or get a drink. Not that I do this, but I’ve seen bum rushers have drinks spilled on them ("oops!"), cigarettes extinguished, and feet stomped.

Rule #2: Don’t Smoke in Close Confines
Not all of us are lucky enough to live in California, where shows are smoke-free and the only thing you’ll reek of at the end of the night is booze and BO. If you smoke and live in an area where smoking is permitted in clubs, please do not smoke among the crowd - save the cigarette for the trip to the bar or bathroom, or at the very least find less crowded confines. No matter how careful you are to blow the smoke into the air, it won’t stay there - some rule of physics dictates that smoke heads straight toward the
nearest nonsmoker, and usually that’s me. While most of us expect to smell a little smoke in the air at a show, it’s best left as an ambient smell of the venue and not a cloud encircling your face.

Rule #3: Tall People in the Back
While I always joke that Shaquille O’Neal has taken time out of his busy schedule to stand in front of me repeatedly, the truth is that Murphy’s Law dictates that the person directly in front of you at a show always be at
least 8" taller than you. I’m a decent height myself, and I still manage to find myself near a crowd of guys who tower over me, and sometimes I feel like I’m the only guy looking out for the 5’1" girl standing behind me. Sorry,
tall guys, we can’t have you standing in the front row, or anyplace within
ten rows of it.

Rule #4: Don’t Make an Ass of Yourself
Drinking and rock & roll go hand in hand, which is why I never understood the straight-edge thing. But while that‘s one extreme, getting loaded and carrying on like a tanked up Nascar fan is no way to impress your favorite band or your fellow fans. It’s important to remember that you don’t want to be "that drunk guy" at the show, especially since many performers have taken to making fun of said guy. Being too rowdy can result in a number of rock &
roll etiquette violations, including spilling drinks, knocking people over, and bum rushing. It’s also an easy way to get kicked out and roughed up by the bouncers.

Rule #5: No Crowd Surfing
This trend seems to have abated in recent years, at least at club shows. It still happens at festivals, and I’m sure if I went to see the pop-punk band of the moment (is it still Sum 41? I wasn’t paying attention), I might see a
few punc roc pipsqueaks pass overhead. The worst violation I saw of the no-crowd surf rule was at a 1997 Blur show, when a group of teenage sk8er bois used "Song 2" as an excuse to force the rest of us to hold their bony
asses up. If you’re going to see Linkin Park at the ButtRock Festival down at the K Mart Arena, you might get away with this, but keep your feet on the ground in the clubs.

Rule #6: Be Mindful of Personal Space
There’s nothing more annoying at a show than having someone stand far too close to you, and it’s only worse when there’s a wide open space on the other side of that person. As a general rule, the people in front of and
behind you should be a good 1-2 feet away, depending on how crowded it is, and you should be able to put your hands on your hips without your elbows hitting anyone. Many personal space violations happen when people bring
large bags or coats to the show - the held jacket in front or backpack behind can be a major nuisance to the people around you, especially if you’re the type who likes to dance, pogo, or just move around a lot during the set.
Most clubs have coat and bag checks - make wise use of them, and if you’re carrying your life’s possessions to the show, perhaps this would be a good time to stand in the back or on the balcony.

Rule #7: Nix the Flix
Many of us love to take pictures at shows. Of course, unless we have a very good camera, these pictures turn out like shit and we’re stuck writing the name of the performer on the back of the blurred shot so we can remember what
it was a year from now ("wow, this splotchy picture looks a lot like Johnny Marr!") When taking shots of the band onstage, it is important to remember that your camera’s flash can be annoying if not blinding, and that often the
scramble to get a good picture involves bumping or pushing others around you.


Rule #8: Be Nice to the People Outside
Upon leaving a show, most of us are approached by as many as a dozen wide-eyed promotions people hawking their bands, labels, radio stations, club nights, websites, and more. While some people specialize in handing out material irrelevant to the band inside, taking the CDs and flyers these people offer can often turn you onto a cool event or a great new band. Promotions people get paid little if any money, and many times they’re even spending their own money on the flyers or CD samplers being passed out. If
you’re not interested, say so nicely, but whatever you do, do not take the offered item and proceed to toss it on the ground. It’s littering and it’s rude to the people who worked hard to offer that particular CD, sticker, or
flyer to you - if you end up with something you don’t want, give it to someone else, or find a respectable receptacle for it. So yeah, be nice to those people outside, because one of them might be me.